Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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