the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
