i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
