Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
