I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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