Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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