we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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