the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
