i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
