Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I need moral support for this bender
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize