I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
