just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
