You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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