At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
