So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
