worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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