Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
