you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
