after a month anything with tits is on the radar
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
