Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize