I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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