You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
