I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
