i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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