Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
