I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
