I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
