Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize
