im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
