I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
