Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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