There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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