in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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