I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
there is glitter all over my balls
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