Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
