i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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