All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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