My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
