yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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