I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
