Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
