I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
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