I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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