it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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