A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
