I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
