i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
