people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
