We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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