what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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