like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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