I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize