I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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