I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
