Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
