i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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