# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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