she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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