please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
