so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
