Rock
Scissors
Fuck
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You are the jesus of drinking
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
