I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I stole a fireplace last night.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
