Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Semen is not good for contacts.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
