I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize