She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
