When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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