what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Your cock deserves a montage
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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